Bats In Hair Lesbian Mother

My mother is a lesbian. I have bats in my hair. I know she’s a lesbian because she’s been smiling in a seductive way at another woman through the window of a grey house. She keeps walking that way, past this row of bland, semi-detached houses, just to catch a glimpse of the other woman. […]

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The Greasy Salad

I’m revising for an important exam. A group of work colleagues meet me in a place that’s either Bradford or Edinburgh. I’m not certain, but I’m high up in a building with them and one says, “there’s going to be a celebration next Thursday,” and I say, “oh, ok”. And they say, “yeah, something to […]

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Violent Cheese Shop

We go into this hideous labyrinth of shopping mall mines, deeper and deeper underground on a set of big escalators. And we reach a violent cheese shop. There are cheese ninjas in the shop. There are cheeses on display, behind modern glass cheese counters, and cheese presenters, literally cheese entertainers explaining everything about the cheeses. […]

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A Short, Very Odd Dream

I’m on an island called St Kits, and it’s sunny. I’m walking through a beautiful woodland. I briefly think, like Alan Partridge might, that if there was a nuclear holocaust, this island would be pretty good to wait on for a few days. I follow an old, naked man along a steep, sandy track leading […]

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